Thursday, January 8, 2009

Minor Inconveniences

Toni called me Monday afternoon. She was taking Paige to the urgent care clinic. Sure enough, pink eye again. Daycare, so many kids with moms who have to make the decision to take their kids, even though they shouldn't. Germs, viruses, they get passed around. But times are tough, it takes two incomes and sometimes the moms are doing it alone. Bosses aren't very understanding sometimes when your child is sick, so you take them to daycare and hope for the best. Toni couldn't take Paige to daycare with pinkeye. She needed to work, I couldn't take another day off. Luckily, Toni has a good friend who came to stay with Paige. Germs, viruses, they get passed around. It's hard.

I've been suffering this week, and I mean SUFFERING, with an ailment that I don't care to discuss. But it has been a dreadful week. It's not contagious, so I go to work and bear it.

Things that at one time in my life would have been cause to give me great agitation, now are just bumps in the road. God does grow us and strengthen us. I would never have believed my family could get through the trials we're living now with my mom's illness and Dad's heart problems...caring for Grandma. I don't carry the burden, but the worry...the grief...the sadness... God has prepared us for this time, as He is now preparing us for even more to come. My prayer is no longer that the burden will lessen, I will get what I want. I have learned a new prayer. It is one of total surrender and trust in a Father who will never give me more than I can bear. A Father who longs for children who will say "yes, whatever You want is what I want".

My goal, my desire is not to talk God into doing what I ask, but to hear Him speak that I may do what He asks of me. In that, I will have everything I want or need. I haven't reached that yet. I long to know my Father's voice, but I know that will come when He has me ready.

Praise God.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Looking Forward with Trust

Tuesday last started fairly uneventful. Mom is not doing well, having had tubes put in to bypass a blockage to her kidneys. She’s getting weaker and my sister, Bev, is keeping Grandma at her home for now. Dad had taken her to see the urologist early in the day to schedule a procedure to try to identify the blockage, and then to the oncologist for some intravenous fluids on the recommendation of the visiting home nurse. Mom relies on Dad. Dad has been getting tired easily lately, and has been talking about getting stress test done.

I received a phone call from church. Don passed away Monday, and she understands how hectic things are now, but would I mind making something for the funeral dinner on Saturday. I was happy to offer two cheesecakes, as I know Don comes from a large family. Don had been struggling with cancer, and his sisters had shared Sunday that he’d had a heart attack and they were taking him off life support Monday.

I was pretty exhausted and must have fallen into a rather deep sleep a little after nine, but was awakened slowly to the sound of what I took for my alarm. I pulled myself up from the grogginess enough to see it was my sister calling, and it was only 9:30 pm. Answering the phone I was quickly shocked to full consciousness by the panicked voice of my sister telling me “Call 911 and get to Dad’s. He’s having a heart attack!” I don’t even know if I had to ask her to repeat it, or what was said after, but I was quickly looking at my phone thinking “How do I call 911?” I’ve never had to do anything like that before. But I immediately dialed 9-1-1 and pressed send.

The 911 operator came on the phone. I explained we needed an ambulance, gave the address, repeated it for their verification. She asked me “How do you know he’s having a heart attack. What are the signs.” I informed her that I did not know, I am not at his house, my sister told me to call 911 because Dad is having a heart attack. I tried to speak as clearly and precisely as possible so as to be understood in the shortest amount of time. The operator seemed intent on asking me for answers I did not have. I was somewhat relieved to hear her say “We are sending help” and then went on to ask for the phone number at Dad’s house. I had given up trying to get dressed with a cell phone to my ear, and thankfully hung up the phone after she told me she might need to call me back.

Tim and I hurried to get in the truck to drive the long mile to my folks house as I fought off images of Dad lying motionless on the floor. In my surreal state of mind, I pulled up my recent calls to make sure that I hadn’t just dreamed the call from my sister. It all seemed so unreal.

Getting to the house, I could see my sister already there, and vehicle or two I didn’t recognize. Only later did I get a chance to put everything together as to why my sister called me from her house to call 911 to go to my dad and mom’s house, only to arrive and find her already there, along with EMTs. Boy, it must have been one long mile from our house to the folks.

I was relieved to Dad sitting on the couch, looking only a little distraught. Mom sat in the chair looking very frightened and weak. She started to cry and I put my arm around her shoulder, knowing she didn’t really like hugs and feels self-conscious about the bags hanging on her body due to the ravages of the cancer she’s been fighting for ten years. Dad explained the severe stomach pains and elevated blood pressure that led him to believe he was having a heart attack, and stated he felt much better now. Mom looked so lost as they loaded Dad onto a gurney and out to the ambulance.

Bev stayed with Mom while Tim and I followed the ambulance out. They drove fast, about 60-miles per hour, but no lights or siren. We could see in the lighted ambulance, and dad was lying quietly while the tech sat in front of him. We stopped at an intersection, noticing an SUV pulled strangely out into the intersection. Tim made a comment on his poor driving, the light turned green, and we proceeded behind the ambulance. Shortly, the ambulance lights began flashing, but the ambulance began pulling over to the side of the road. The SUV we had noticed earlier, seemed to be trying to squeeze past the ambulance on the right, but the ambulance pulled tentatively over in front of the SUV. Slowly both vehicles came to a stop, with the SUV inching dangerously close to hitting the side of the ambulance. We moved to the be ahead of the ambulance and waited . Unable to tell what was happening, we decided to drive on to the hospital and wait.

Later, we found that it was a drunk in the SUV, and the ambulance made the decision to stop him and call the police to get him off the road. Quite a decision to make…get the man with the suspected heart attack to the hospital, or get the drunk out from behind the wheel of his vehicle.

We were in the hospital waiting room until about 1:00 am. Dad began to think the whole trip to the hospital had been unnecessary, and was hoping to be sent home soon. The doctor, young enough to be my daughter, decided that Dad had, in fact, not suffered a heart attack. She felt gall-bladder attack was the most likely explanation, but because of his history she wanted to keep him at least 8-12 hours and make sure. Tim and I left and my brother stayed to bring Dad home. Tim and I got about 3 ½ hours of sleep, not counting the 20 minutes or so prior to the phone call.

My brother went on to work, and I made arrangements with a manager to leave work to take my dad home later in the morning. This is not a problem where I work, for which I am thankful. My boss has been out herself for about three weeks because her mother has not been well, suffered a massive stroke on Christmas Eve morning, and was given about 24 hours by the doctors. My boss is in the sad position of waiting for her mother’s death, and then will be back to work.

About 2:30 in the afternoon, I decided I was not going to be leaving work early. I drove the short distance from the hospital where I work to the hospital where my dad was at 3:30 that afternoon. He expected to be released shortly, as soon as all the test results were read. But my brother was insistent that he drive the 15-20 miles from his house to the hospital to take Dad home, and I should go home. I left, although the nurse said Dad should be released very shortly, and I headed to see how Mom was doing. Walking in there, my brother and his wife asked what I was doing there and she asked why hadn’t I brought Dad because he was just being released. I flatly stated, because Steve wanted to bring him home. On that, my brother, Steve, walked into the room and said something about my little car. Steve left to pick up Dad, and my sister-in-law made it clear that I should go home and make supper for my family. I felt clearly that I was being told to leave. I made it clear that I was staying until Dad got there and things got a little tense. Shortly, Dad called Mom to let her know that they found he DID have a heart attack and they were keeping him overnight until he could see a doctor. My heart ached for them both.

My sister got back from running errands for Mom, and we insisted that she or I would spend the night with Mom rather than one of my brother’s daughters. Between my sister and I, we decided Mom would be more comfortable with my sister, who is retired and knows their routines and needs. My daughter is single and caring for her 13 month old daughter, and we had planned to watch a movie on New Year’s Eve. We instead found ourselves exhausted. I made us supper about 7:30 pm, Tim went to bed early, Toni and I made it to 10:00 pm, but she decided to go on home as baby Paige was wide awake and needed to be put in her own crib and encouraged to get to sleep. I needed to email the songs for worship service Sunday for the bulletin and the pianist, and was then too exhausted to get off the couch and get to bed. I think I drug myself to bed about 2:00 am.

I have one of the most wonderful husbands around, and he willingly gave up our New Years day plans so that I could spend the morning with Mom while she waited for Dad to be released, so my sister could spend some time at home. I busied myself dusting and vacuuming, and then copied down some favorite recipes from her recipe file. I eventually came home about 1:00 pm and Tim and I left for town to pick up some groceries and some things for Mom and Dad. We stopped at their house and Dad was there, looking tired, still wearing sticky things from the hospital visit, but happy to be home and seeing Mom feeling much better. They decided that the intravenous fluids had perked her up and she vows to drink more.

Mom now has a procedure schedule for the blockage to her kidneys. It will be performed on the 12th, and another stent might relieve the problem so she doesn’t have the extra tubes draining fluid from her kidneys. Praise God the kidneys do seem to be functioning, at least one of them.

Dad will know tomorrow what time his procedure is on Monday to determine what they will do for his heart. Mom insists that she is going to be at the hospital for that, she was not strong enough to go the past couple of days. My brother will be there, as will I and, most likely, my sister. Praise God that Dad did call the hospital and he is getting good care.

There are so many reasons to praise God. Mom and Dad have a very supportive family and circle of friends. The phone rings off the hook and people are falling all over themselves to be helpful. God has provided ahead of time for sufficient insurance, and although circumstances are difficult, they could be so much worse.

That a glimpse of life in our Indiana family.

In Oklahoma, Lynelle and her sister are flying out with an infant and a toddler to rejoin Michael at his new job in Spokane, WA. Aimee will then fly home without her sister. They will miss each other terribly as Michael and Lynelle make a brand new start as Youth Pastor and family in the beautiful, but cold state of Washington. Aimee will continue as worship director and pastor in Oklahoma. We are very proud of both of those girls. They are brave and dedicated.

As we look to the new year, there are some things I view with anxiety and fear. I see so much potential for disaster and pain. It makes me loath to even look forward to the exciting plans. Yet, I am more fully aware than ever that God has His hand in our lives and we can depend on Him fully. Yes, the year ahead is full of shadows and, I am sure, dark valleys. But I am looking ahead eagerly, because I am fully persuaded that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And it is my fervent prayer that I am, indeed, called according to His purpose.