My Next 50 Years

Minor Inconveniences

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 01:41:00 +0000

Toni called me Monday afternoon. She was taking Paige to the urgent care clinic. Sure enough, pink eye again. Daycare, so many kids with moms who have to make the decision to take their kids, even though they shouldn't. Germs, viruses, they get passed around. But times are tough, it takes two incomes and sometimes the moms are doing it alone. Bosses aren't very understanding sometimes when your child is sick, so you take them to daycare and hope for the best. Toni couldn't take Paige to daycare with pinkeye. She needed to work, I couldn't take another day off. Luckily, Toni has a good friend who came to stay with Paige. Germs, viruses, they get passed around. It's hard.

I've been suffering this week, and I mean SUFFERING, with an ailment that I don't care to discuss. But it has been a dreadful week. It's not contagious, so I go to work and bear it.

Things that at one time in my life would have been cause to give me great agitation, now are just bumps in the road. God does grow us and strengthen us. I would never have believed my family could get through the trials we're living now with my mom's illness and Dad's heart problems...caring for Grandma. I don't carry the burden, but the worry...the grief...the sadness... God has prepared us for this time, as He is now preparing us for even more to come. My prayer is no longer that the burden will lessen, I will get what I want. I have learned a new prayer. It is one of total surrender and trust in a Father who will never give me more than I can bear. A Father who longs for children who will say "yes, whatever You want is what I want".

My goal, my desire is not to talk God into doing what I ask, but to hear Him speak that I may do what He asks of me. In that, I will have everything I want or need. I haven't reached that yet. I long to know my Father's voice, but I know that will come when He has me ready.

Praise God.

Looking Forward with Trust

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:02:00 +0000

Tuesday last started fairly uneventful. Mom is not doing well, having had tubes put in to bypass a blockage to her kidneys. She’s getting weaker and my sister, Bev, is keeping Grandma at her home for now. Dad had taken her to see the urologist early in the day to schedule a procedure to try to identify the blockage, and then to the oncologist for some intravenous fluids on the recommendation of the visiting home nurse. Mom relies on Dad. Dad has been getting tired easily lately, and has been talking about getting stress test done.

I received a phone call from church. Don passed away Monday, and she understands how hectic things are now, but would I mind making something for the funeral dinner on Saturday. I was happy to offer two cheesecakes, as I know Don comes from a large family. Don had been struggling with cancer, and his sisters had shared Sunday that he’d had a heart attack and they were taking him off life support Monday.

I was pretty exhausted and must have fallen into a rather deep sleep a little after nine, but was awakened slowly to the sound of what I took for my alarm. I pulled myself up from the grogginess enough to see it was my sister calling, and it was only 9:30 pm. Answering the phone I was quickly shocked to full consciousness by the panicked voice of my sister telling me “Call 911 and get to Dad’s. He’s having a heart attack!” I don’t even know if I had to ask her to repeat it, or what was said after, but I was quickly looking at my phone thinking “How do I call 911?” I’ve never had to do anything like that before. But I immediately dialed 9-1-1 and pressed send.

The 911 operator came on the phone. I explained we needed an ambulance, gave the address, repeated it for their verification. She asked me “How do you know he’s having a heart attack. What are the signs.” I informed her that I did not know, I am not at his house, my sister told me to call 911 because Dad is having a heart attack. I tried to speak as clearly and precisely as possible so as to be understood in the shortest amount of time. The operator seemed intent on asking me for answers I did not have. I was somewhat relieved to hear her say “We are sending help” and then went on to ask for the phone number at Dad’s house. I had given up trying to get dressed with a cell phone to my ear, and thankfully hung up the phone after she told me she might need to call me back.

Tim and I hurried to get in the truck to drive the long mile to my folks house as I fought off images of Dad lying motionless on the floor. In my surreal state of mind, I pulled up my recent calls to make sure that I hadn’t just dreamed the call from my sister. It all seemed so unreal.

Getting to the house, I could see my sister already there, and vehicle or two I didn’t recognize. Only later did I get a chance to put everything together as to why my sister called me from her house to call 911 to go to my dad and mom’s house, only to arrive and find her already there, along with EMTs. Boy, it must have been one long mile from our house to the folks.

I was relieved to Dad sitting on the couch, looking only a little distraught. Mom sat in the chair looking very frightened and weak. She started to cry and I put my arm around her shoulder, knowing she didn’t really like hugs and feels self-conscious about the bags hanging on her body due to the ravages of the cancer she’s been fighting for ten years. Dad explained the severe stomach pains and elevated blood pressure that led him to believe he was having a heart attack, and stated he felt much better now. Mom looked so lost as they loaded Dad onto a gurney and out to the ambulance.

Bev stayed with Mom while Tim and I followed the ambulance out. They drove fast, about 60-miles per hour, but no lights or siren. We could see in the lighted ambulance, and dad was lying quietly while the tech sat in front of him. We stopped at an intersection, noticing an SUV pulled strangely out into the intersection. Tim made a comment on his poor driving, the light turned green, and we proceeded behind the ambulance. Shortly, the ambulance lights began flashing, but the ambulance began pulling over to the side of the road. The SUV we had noticed earlier, seemed to be trying to squeeze past the ambulance on the right, but the ambulance pulled tentatively over in front of the SUV. Slowly both vehicles came to a stop, with the SUV inching dangerously close to hitting the side of the ambulance. We moved to the be ahead of the ambulance and waited . Unable to tell what was happening, we decided to drive on to the hospital and wait.

Later, we found that it was a drunk in the SUV, and the ambulance made the decision to stop him and call the police to get him off the road. Quite a decision to make…get the man with the suspected heart attack to the hospital, or get the drunk out from behind the wheel of his vehicle.

We were in the hospital waiting room until about 1:00 am. Dad began to think the whole trip to the hospital had been unnecessary, and was hoping to be sent home soon. The doctor, young enough to be my daughter, decided that Dad had, in fact, not suffered a heart attack. She felt gall-bladder attack was the most likely explanation, but because of his history she wanted to keep him at least 8-12 hours and make sure. Tim and I left and my brother stayed to bring Dad home. Tim and I got about 3 ½ hours of sleep, not counting the 20 minutes or so prior to the phone call.

My brother went on to work, and I made arrangements with a manager to leave work to take my dad home later in the morning. This is not a problem where I work, for which I am thankful. My boss has been out herself for about three weeks because her mother has not been well, suffered a massive stroke on Christmas Eve morning, and was given about 24 hours by the doctors. My boss is in the sad position of waiting for her mother’s death, and then will be back to work.

About 2:30 in the afternoon, I decided I was not going to be leaving work early. I drove the short distance from the hospital where I work to the hospital where my dad was at 3:30 that afternoon. He expected to be released shortly, as soon as all the test results were read. But my brother was insistent that he drive the 15-20 miles from his house to the hospital to take Dad home, and I should go home. I left, although the nurse said Dad should be released very shortly, and I headed to see how Mom was doing. Walking in there, my brother and his wife asked what I was doing there and she asked why hadn’t I brought Dad because he was just being released. I flatly stated, because Steve wanted to bring him home. On that, my brother, Steve, walked into the room and said something about my little car. Steve left to pick up Dad, and my sister-in-law made it clear that I should go home and make supper for my family. I felt clearly that I was being told to leave. I made it clear that I was staying until Dad got there and things got a little tense. Shortly, Dad called Mom to let her know that they found he DID have a heart attack and they were keeping him overnight until he could see a doctor. My heart ached for them both.

My sister got back from running errands for Mom, and we insisted that she or I would spend the night with Mom rather than one of my brother’s daughters. Between my sister and I, we decided Mom would be more comfortable with my sister, who is retired and knows their routines and needs. My daughter is single and caring for her 13 month old daughter, and we had planned to watch a movie on New Year’s Eve. We instead found ourselves exhausted. I made us supper about 7:30 pm, Tim went to bed early, Toni and I made it to 10:00 pm, but she decided to go on home as baby Paige was wide awake and needed to be put in her own crib and encouraged to get to sleep. I needed to email the songs for worship service Sunday for the bulletin and the pianist, and was then too exhausted to get off the couch and get to bed. I think I drug myself to bed about 2:00 am.

I have one of the most wonderful husbands around, and he willingly gave up our New Years day plans so that I could spend the morning with Mom while she waited for Dad to be released, so my sister could spend some time at home. I busied myself dusting and vacuuming, and then copied down some favorite recipes from her recipe file. I eventually came home about 1:00 pm and Tim and I left for town to pick up some groceries and some things for Mom and Dad. We stopped at their house and Dad was there, looking tired, still wearing sticky things from the hospital visit, but happy to be home and seeing Mom feeling much better. They decided that the intravenous fluids had perked her up and she vows to drink more.

Mom now has a procedure schedule for the blockage to her kidneys. It will be performed on the 12th, and another stent might relieve the problem so she doesn’t have the extra tubes draining fluid from her kidneys. Praise God the kidneys do seem to be functioning, at least one of them.

Dad will know tomorrow what time his procedure is on Monday to determine what they will do for his heart. Mom insists that she is going to be at the hospital for that, she was not strong enough to go the past couple of days. My brother will be there, as will I and, most likely, my sister. Praise God that Dad did call the hospital and he is getting good care.

There are so many reasons to praise God. Mom and Dad have a very supportive family and circle of friends. The phone rings off the hook and people are falling all over themselves to be helpful. God has provided ahead of time for sufficient insurance, and although circumstances are difficult, they could be so much worse.

That a glimpse of life in our Indiana family.

In Oklahoma, Lynelle and her sister are flying out with an infant and a toddler to rejoin Michael at his new job in Spokane, WA. Aimee will then fly home without her sister. They will miss each other terribly as Michael and Lynelle make a brand new start as Youth Pastor and family in the beautiful, but cold state of Washington. Aimee will continue as worship director and pastor in Oklahoma. We are very proud of both of those girls. They are brave and dedicated.

As we look to the new year, there are some things I view with anxiety and fear. I see so much potential for disaster and pain. It makes me loath to even look forward to the exciting plans. Yet, I am more fully aware than ever that God has His hand in our lives and we can depend on Him fully. Yes, the year ahead is full of shadows and, I am sure, dark valleys. But I am looking ahead eagerly, because I am fully persuaded that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And it is my fervent prayer that I am, indeed, called according to His purpose.

Nine Words Women Use

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 +0000

Boy, was I delivering myself a sermon in that last blog, or what! Now for something on the light side. We don't forward much at work (it's against the rules, so Sshhhhhh)but this was too good to pass up. And boy, does it hit the mark!

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Holding On to Letting Go

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:39:00 +0000

This morning's church service was an experience in depression. I don't want to sound lacking in empathy. I know it's a terrible thing to say, but it's the truth. I keep wishing there was something I could do to make everyone there understand that this is only a time of transition and we can still be happy in looking forward. But there is a spirit of depression that sometimes hangs over people, or groups, for years sometimes. It saps them of life and vitality and they fail to thrive...they merely exist for the sake of existing. It may be an evil spirit, it may only be a habit of humanity, I don't know. I fight it often nowadays because of serious health issues casting shadows over my parents and much of my family. And yet, I come to the Lord expecting good things because I know He loves me and my family, and His ways are not my ways. I can honestly say that I trust Him.

Transition is the word of the moment. There seems to be less than usual that I really can count on right now. I've been hoping my church will "snap out of it". I've been hoping for a miracle of God's Holy Spirit to just take hold and to see it come to life! Idon'tthinkit'sgoingtohappen. People are losing their jobs all around, and I am supposed to learn sometime this spring if my job of 26 years is going to be transitioned to another state over the next year or so. Other things...

I want to hold on to what I know and where I feel comfortable. I don't want to suffer loss, or hardship. But I know nothing is beyond God. I tried to put that into words this morning as I looked around at all the sad, worried faces. Sometimes we have to try to understand that God works best when we reach a place where all we have to count on is Him. It's then that God is able to take hold of us and really do something amazing in our lives for Him. Suffering/hardship is only for a time, and then God will give us a season of joy. We need to keep looking forward, even when the future can look like a fearsome place.

We need to just put our trust in God, and let go. To see me, you will often see a sad or worried face. But despite the sadness of the moment, I know that God will see me through this season of sadness and, even, through it, bring about a season of joy. I am reminding myself daily to just put my trust in God, and let go.

I Believe

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 04:59:00 +0000

I have decided to dip a toe back into the world of blogland. I think a fun way to do this would be to join Sunday scribblings. Therefore, here it is...I Believe.

I believe that we have a wonderful, merciful God. Even though we often mess up, he is always faithful to turn our bad decisions into blessings...IF we turn to Him. I believe that, through God, all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I believe that because His Bible said it, and I believe it because I've seen it. And I believe it in faith in the face of incredibly difficult circumstances for which, right now, I see no purpose.

And I believe that if I don't get to bed right now I am going to really mess up leading worship tomorrow morning, and especially since we are singing "Happy Birthday, Jesus", I'd like to get the words right. :)

~Vicky

Elusive Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 00:44:00 +0000

One of the more difficult things I've found is learning to be happy when someone I love is suffering. Logically, I know that my refusal to feel joy does not lessen the suffering for them. Yet, my heart recoils from happiness, as if to feel joy during their suffering is to be faithless to those feelings of love.

To feel helpless in the face of true suffering and pain is one of life's greatest trials. Could I, I would take on my mother's pain and fear on myself just to see her happy and laughing again.

This is one experience from God I would never have asked for. Yet, in some very small way, it speaks to me of God's love for us, His children. We have but to accept, He took our suffering and pain with Him to the cross. If we accept His gift of love, He will take our pain and suffering and replace it with joy as we understand that our suffering is just for a moment. He can, and will take away our pain and fear and see us happy and laughing, never to feel pain, suffering or sorrow again.

He can do that. I can't. I will continue to struggle with feelings of helplessness and may not find my own happiness for a time. But within me, I know that one day my mom will no longer feel pain or fear, and she will be happy and laughing again. God will take away the cancer and make her young and whole with joy to last for eternity.

~Vicky

Struggle

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 01:42:00 +0000

Update on my mom's surgery...

They have run tubes from her kidneys to a bag on each leg to collect the fluid. They will re-evaluate in a week. Not much has been said as to what to expect from here forward. It's one day at a time.

I just finished the autobiography of Joni Eareckson Tada. If you've never read it, I would recommend it highly. I especially enjoyed the audio book, read by the author herself. It was a little difficult at times to hear the heartrending words, but her journey to finding true happiness in God was amazing, to say the least. Sometimes, as I listened to her story, she would mention the year. I would remember back to where I was in life that year, and be overcome by the realization of what one young woman was enduring during that same time that I was selfishly pursuing my own happiness. I find great comfort in her story. God didn't take away her affliction, despite her faith and that of others. But He gave her strength to not only survive, but thrive! Struggle does not mean God is absent, it only means we need to draw closer to Him.

~Vicky

God with us

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 10:16:00 +0000

God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Sometimes life falls apart for awhile and you have to wonder what the heck is going on. This Christmas is one of them.

My mom suffers with cancer. I say the word suffer, but the word doesn't cover what she's been through. She woke from a surgery almost ten years ago to be told that she has ovarian cancer, and to find that she will spend the rest of her life with a urostomy and a colostomy. Two bags that will hang under her clothes to cause trouble and embarrassment for the rest of an uncertain life. She's learned to live with them for almost ten years, as well as the pain, uncertainty and untold fears and trials of this disease. I've seen blessings that I account to her sufferings, but, oh, what a cost.

Today they will run tubes out her back to a third bag which will hang on her leg. Her kidneys have finally shut down as a result of all the chemo, and now the word "dialysis" hangs heavy in the air. My mom is 74 years old, she and my dad have taken in her 92 year old mother, and they all care for each other as best they can. My dad had a stroke years ago which left his body weakened. My grandmother, well, she's 92 but tries her best not to be a burden. Her husband of over 75 years died only a very few years ago, and after many years of ovarian cancer her only other child died only a few months later. I can't imagine her grief. They have their physical weaknesses, but stronger people you won't find anywhere. But today...oh today... When will it stop?

Christmas is in two days. I'm staying home with my granddaughter, who has pinkeye and an ear infection. Her mother is single and needs to be at work today. My husband and I aren't talking. That leaves me without my best friend right now, facing very difficult situations on all sides. I'm hoping I will get my best friend back somehow. Satan is so clever. But I keep reminding him, he may win some victories, but they are shallow at best. He could even destroy my life, but in the end, he has gained nothing. God will still be in control and he will still face his punishment, and he is still a loser.

But it's not about me. I just seem to be surrounded by a sea of great sadness, people facing terrible trials, and my heart aches because I can only watch and pray.

I keep remembering that God didn't create cancer. He didn't create chemotherapy and life prolonging drugs and procedures that keep our bodies alive, but can take a terrible toll. It's our own desire to hang onto this life here at any cost, to selfishly keep our loved ones with us because life would be so lonely without them. God didn't cause our suffering.

But what God has given us is a heavenly home and perfect bodies for those who will only trust in Him. He has given us a promise of His grace sufficient for any trial, hardship or loneliness. He has given us His own Holy Spirit to strengthen us if we turn to Him.

God didn't give us Christmas as a day to celebrate peace on earth, share presents and our favorite recipes, tell our children about Santa Claus and everyone be happy. Christmas came from the birth of a baby under very difficult circumstances who grew to be a man of sorrows and lived a life of hardship so that He could die an excruciating death of humiliation to give us the help and the hope that we need.

We wonder why sometimes the greatest suffering comes at Christmas time. We want to cry "unfair", what did I do to deserve this! We picture a baby born on a clear starry night, angels proclaiming, shepherds rejoicing, wise men bringing gifts, and everyone smiling and happy. We cry out for that peace on earth, good will toward men.

In reality, it was a frightened young girl in a dirty barn without her family and friends who held on to the promise she knew came to her from God. It was a baby Jesus who grew up to carry the sins and ugliness of a world that was fickle and, in the end, turned on Him as He faced the cruelest and most agonizing death available.

So that is the Christmas promise I am holding onto this year. I won't be trying to ignore the hardships of this Christmas, while trying to grab my piece of "Christmas joy". I won't cry "unfair" at the circumstances of this Christmas. I will be holding onto the promise that "all things work together for the good of those who love God, those that are called according to His purpose". And I will be trusting in the promises of that morning when Christ was born on earth to endure our suffering and give us the gift of eternal life in a perfect body where every day will be peace and joy and love when we are in the presence of our Savior.

~Vicky

Pure Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:18:00 +0000

I took the day off today to watch Grand-baby Paige. We went shopping at Walmart and she scored a pair of walking shoes (with hopes she will soon walk), 6 pr of socks, and one of those obligatory baby toys with a rocker bottom on which you stack rings.

She is very friendly, and I enjoy when people stop to talk to her or lightly touch her chubby cheeks. She gives them the biggest, wrinkly-nose grin she can muster with all six teeth. Some people remark on how cute she is, while others remark how "fat" she is or note the scab on her chin.

It reminds me of when I used to take my oldest daughter to town. All she really knew how to say was "hi", but she used the word often. She would sit in the shopping cart and scope around for someone walking her way. When she spied a likely candidate she would splash the biggest grin on her face she could manage, and as they walked past she would look them in the eye and declare "HI!". More often than not, she would get a smile and a "hi" in return, which was her goal, after all.

There were those, however, who would walk right past her, ignoring the big grin and the cheery little "Hi!". Her face would fall as she watched them walk away, and she would get a look of confusion at their lack of response. But no sooner had they taken a few steps past, her little head would swivel to find the next unsuspecting object of her good cheer.

I've never seen a more cheerful spirit than when she was a little one. I hated to think of the day when that spirit would be lost. Her's was exceptionally strong, but there is a light in most young children that diminishes along life's path until one day you wake, and it is only a memory. She is still an exceptionally kind-hearted young lady, with an exceptionally sweet young baby of her own, but that special light of childhood has faded into memory.

No wonder Christ said "suffer the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven". How I look forward to the day when we will all find again the fresh joy of the young child.

A Very Proud Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 02:01:00 +0000

Sorry, no picture. I'm on a new laptop...coooool)

Tonight my husband accompanied me to an employee recognition banquet in honor of landmark years of service for the company I work for, mine being 25 years. We sat down, the two of us, at a table set for eight. Due in part to the fact that we enjoy each other’s company, but mostly this was due to my lack of adeptness in social situations and he let me pick our seats. I struggle with “mixing”, whereas my husband easily interacts with anyone and everyone. I chose to sit alone while he walked to the bar, coming back with a wealth of information and an amusing story about the lady who served him his Pepsi. (That’s one of the many things I love about him.)

Along came a young fellow and his girl and he asked if they may join us. I had begun to feel awkward, the two of us sitting at this large table in the crowded room, and I welcomed the intrusion into our solitude. They were an interesting couple. He, a fellow, indeed. He was three months into a year of service as a “fellow” in the area of mission integration at the health facility where I work. He holds a PhD and a background in theology and teaching. She was finishing up her doctorate in music with plans to teach college level music theory.

Soon enough, along came a man who worked for our corporate office. He was celebrating 10 years of service, was a CPA and, I’m almost certain, a PhD. His wife, a PhD in psychology, was a college professor.

They asked where I worked, seemed interested, and made polite conversation. Let it be said here and now that all four were very nice, and each quite charming in his/her own way. It was a very enjoyable evening.

As a group they were most happy to volunteer about their lives, their level of education, their parents’ level of education, and the successful state of being. I put my foot in my mouth only once (well, maybe twice), choosing for once to remain wisely silent and hope they didn’t catch on that I held only an associates degree at a once local business college, no longer in existence. In my mind, I might as well have sat chewing on a piece of straw between my gums I felt so out of place.

Strangely, yet probably not, in the lively conversation of the evening no one inquired about my husband’s line of business. I did at one juncture volunteer that he had once driven a bus. (I told you I was socially inept.) In fact, I was happy that no one asked as to the nature of his employment. He has the look and demeanor of a man used to being in front of a lot of people. I could only wish to have his confident bearing. Although I did suggest that he go for dress slacks and shirt instead of a suit and the other two men were dressed in suits. Still, he carries an air of confidence. I am surprised that no one inquired as to his line of business, and yet they obviously were much interested in other discussions of a more self directed nature. (Not to criticize, as I said, it was quite pleasant.)

I don’t want to be misunderstood here, but to a CPA/hospital finance professional, a college psychology professor, a musicalist and a missions integration fellow, each holding the highest levels of education, managing a convenience store might seem plain.

How could they understand? Would they understand how important he makes the elderly lady feel who calls the store before she leaves home because she knows my husband will pump her gas for her, or in his absence, has left instructions for his employees to do the same? Would they understand how important my husband makes the man feel finding his newspaper laid out and waiting for him on the counter each morning as he stops by the store on his way to work? Would they understand how important he makes his employees feel when he inquires as to their well-being under stressful situations? They would never understand the importance of sacrifices in his 20+ years as a pastor,caring more for the spiritual well-being of his parishioners than his own comfort. They would never understand how important he has been in the lives of two young girls who previously knew men only as the children of an emotionally abusive dad. There is so much that my husband is and that he gives in his walk through each day that builds up and encourages. It can’t be listed, documented or hung in a frame. It can only be felt by those in need of an encouragement or a smile, or just a friendly interlude in their day. Possibly the most important part of their day because they felt, if only for a moment in time, that someone cared and took the time to acknowledge them.

The bottom line is, my husband is the most successful person I know. I could be no more proud than to be his wife. A convenience store manager? Not a six-figure income and it doesn't hold the status of a PhD in a crowd. But that’s what he does…it is not what he is. Big difference. I was so proud of my husband tonight. I wanted to let our dinner companions know they shared the table with a great man. But I knew they wouldn't understand.

We all need to remember that it’s not what we do to earn our daily wage that is important. God will judge who we are, not how we earned our pay. It is what we are in Him that will make Him say “well done my child”. And in God’s economy, my husband is a very rich man.

Exodus 14

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 20:09:00 +0000

The Israelites were fleeing Egypt. The Red Sea was before them, the Egyptians were at their back. There was nowhere to go. The situation was hopeless and the end was obvious. It was not humanly possible to escape from this circumstance.

I attended services today at both Trinity and County Line, and interestingly enough, both sermons were based on Exodus 14. As a matter of fact, just a little over the past year, Exodus seems to be such a recurring focus in my life that I've begun to wonder if there isn't something there that I need to learn. But for the life of me, I can't figure it out.

Exodus 14:13,15 "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today..." "Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on."

Maybe it's as simple as that. There is a destination. There seems to be no way to get there. It's humanly impossible to escape from the circumstances that stand in the way of the journey's end. And yet...God told them stand firm, quit complaining, move on.

The Israelites were not on their own journey. They didn't choose their destination. I don't recall that they specifically asked Moses to lead them out into the desert. As a matter of fact, they often complained to Moses that they had asked him to leave them alone in Egypt. They had groaned to God, but they didn't seem all that motivated to actually want to leave Egypt, they just wanted an easier life.

But God had planned their destination hundreds of years earlier, God had even planned the method and the circumstances. All God asked was that they trust Him, rest in His care, and move forward.

Heavenly Father,
As a tree drops it's leaves in fall to rest, and become stronger over the storms of winter, there is trust that you will bring new life and fresh growth in its time. Let me rest in You and wait patiently looking forward to the hour you have appointed for fresh growth.

In Flight

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 03:09:00 +0000

Toni is now attending Trinity church with Tim...with my blessing. She and Paige need a place where they can be surrounded by people growing in Christ. Right now, where I'm attending, it's more about survival of our little church...and less about coming to honor and glorify God. We have no children left but a couple. Trinity is full of new life and growth. Toni has joined the choir. I think it's wonderful! Tim is now in choir, worship team, and orchestra!

The pulpit committee of my church has interviewed a pastoral candidate. I am distressed by much of the dynamics I am seeing as the church moves forward, but I believe that God will have His way so I will wait for Him. I hear nothing in my soul that would tell me...well, anything. I will simply wait on God.

The regionalization of the offices where I work continues. They hope to let us know in April of 2009 whether we will have jobs in a couple of years, or whether they will be moving our office hours away. We will have the choice to move or take a severance/retention package to stay until the office is closed down.

Many areas of life have changed, evolved, are changing and evolving. I thank God every day that Tim has been a part of the plan for my life. He has helped me to a much greater faith in God than I ever knew, which has made it possible for me to remain calm during stormy seas. Tim has become the lighthouse on this earth for me. When the storms come, he keeps me centered on what really matters.

Sometimes I look back on my life and see things that can only be explained as miraculous. I may never feel I have fully landed on solid ground again while I walk this earth. But something comes to mind that Tim said in a sermon I heard him give once. It goes like this..."A bird can sing on a perch that swings because he knows how to fly." God has used Tim to help me learn how to fly. How marvelous.

New Growth

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:42:00 +0000

Just to catch up on things, I am now the full-time worship leader at church. Oh yes, I am back at my family church. Things are going well, in the right direction. Tim is continuing to attend at our "new" church, having become involved in the choir and worship team there. But we manage to attend services at both churches quite often. Not bad, really, I know I am getting quite a bit out of this.

There are times of pruning in our lives which are painful, but necessary. But after the pruning, new life grows fresh and fuller than before. I have faith that is where our church is now. Ready to begin branching out with new growth, better fruit.

Some have left, but those who remain are more committed, more ready to love. They have had a chance to look at their church, and themselves. They have, I believe, dedicated themselves more fully to the job at hand and God will now be able to use them as never before. That is what I believe. Others who grew weary and left, I hope to see returning. Why not? I did.

This morning's service was a happy time of worship. I chose patriotism, God's blessings, and God-given vision for the future as the worship theme. (4th of July, I wonder where that theme came from? ;) Tim sang "God Bless America". If only I had HIS voice...well, I guess I wouldn't want his voice because I would look silly singing with his voice....so I guess I'm happy with my voice.... It was a very good sermon on "anticipation". All in all, one of those uplifting services you enjoy, one that our church has seen too few of over the past years.

Which brings us to Wednesday, this week. We will be assembling for a congregation business meeting to discuss the future. Will we catch our vision? Will the anticipation be for future growth in our walk with Christ? Will we walk in God's blessing? I believe so. I believe this time of testing and trial is nearly over, and I believe it is time to put the past behind, all the doubt and self recrimination and guilt. There has been a spirit of confusion allowed to trespass. That can happen to God's church. But if there is any lesson to be learned from all of this it is pray, pray, pray...and then pray some more. God is faithful if you call on Him faithfully.

Rest in Peace Cowboy Bill

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:05:00 +0000

Grandpa Bill, Grandma Florence and my dad

Cowboy Bill Newcomb passed from this life this morning on the Fourth of July, 2008.

My Grandpa Bill had a gypsy in his soul. Married 4 times, his exploits were the things of family legend. The memory of his booming voice, infectious grin, and gift of entertainment will be passed down the generations.

The stability and solid Christian example of my Mom’s parents enrich my life and give me an example to reach for as I strive to become the woman I hope to one day be. But the adventurous tales and very infrequent, but memorable, visits with my paternal grandfather left an indelible mark. His memory will forever tell me that I have it within me to be whatever I want to be. He was not afraid to take a chance, step out of the mold and do it his way, sometimes it seems, to his own disadvantage.

But, all in all, I perceive that in me is the solid, practical, Christian seed planted through my maternal grandparents, as well as the larger-than-life, take-a-chance entertainer that is the spirit of my paternal grandfather. I believe he found faith late in life, but like everything with Grandpa, it was bigger than life. With a family tree like that, I must conclude that God has implanted me with everything I need to be whatever He calls me to be.

Rest peacefully in the arms of Jesus, Grandpa. Your traveling days are over and you are finally home.

I'm Still Around

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:02:00 +0000

I'm happy, tired, and brain-dead. Things are going well with church, with home, and with job...although I still find myself having the occasional "melt-down" from the sheer volume contained in life nowadays.

There's constant change and stretching at work as we ready for the new "Genesis" system installation in 10 days. Tim and I are currently attending separate churches, for our own separate reasons, and we're doing fine with that for now. Baby Paige is 5 months old today, and growing like a cute little ole' weed. Both daughters here will be graduating at the end of April. Katie will be finishing up cosmetology and Tonya has one more final and she'll be a qualified radiology tech. ...and then I can take a long, deep, sigh of relief. We're flying out in July to the older girls and baby Abigail.

And in the midst of it, I've been making it my constant goal to give my life every more completely over to Christ. At this time of constant change and growth, there's an excitement that our future is wide open. I have made a conscious choice to seek out and surrender to God's plan for our future.

I've just finished reading Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind". Great book. I would recommend it for anyone. I just can't say enough about her style of putting it right out there, no excuses, and making you know that you and God can do just about anything. I'm just starting into Don Piper's "90 Minutes in Heaven". Riveting book. I'm on page 65 and already it's been an amazing journey.

How do I find the time? Whenever I can. Obviously, it's been too difficult to find the time and thought processes to blog, and I pretty much have given up TV as a waste of time and brain-matter. I've been getting up at 5:00 am to do a chronological study through the Bible with an electronic Bible library Tim bought years ago. I read a chapter, and then I read the commentary. The history of the Israelites has come alive for me as I've followed their 40 years in the wilderness. I've learned more than I could have ever imagined by really taking a look at their relationship with God during that journey.

And Ame....when are you going to be here!!??? Do we really get to meet??!

Very Nice Lady Three

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:55:00 +0000

An ice cream social was held at work today in honor of St. Joseph’sDay. There were three very nice ladies who had volunteered their work time to serve ice cream and toppings to the rest of us.

Very nice lady one had vanilla all scooped out in a bowl waiting for me as I approached. It came with a smile.

Very nice lady two presented me with a dipper of strawberry syrup and a smile.

Very nice lady three was happy enough to squirt some whipped cream on top, but then was way-laid by a man who inquired of the special occasion from very nice lady one.

As very nice lady one began to answer, and between my whipped cream and cherry topper, very nice lady three became intent on answering the gentleman’s question from the far end of the assembly line.

I was immediately dismissed without a smile, my cherry almost hit the table instead of the whip cream, and I felt immediately dismissed as unworthy of her attention.

In one fell swoop, very nice lady three…
* made me feel small by ignoring me
* made very nice lady one feel small by speaking over her and putting her in a secondary position to her own authority on the matter
* destroyed the gentleman’s friendly banter with very nice lady one

As I walked the long hallways back to my office, I contemplated how many times in the past I may have unknowingly acted as very nice lady number three. I vowed to make every attempt not to be lady number three again.

And I also contemplated how many times I've felt small because that's what people do to each other naturally. Family members do it to each other, co-workers, church members to each other, and pretty much anywhere you go.

How refreshing it is to find someone, such as my darling husband, who goes out of his way, constantly, to make the persons around him feel very, very special. One at a time. How rare and precious that is. I think it's a sign of God inside.

Don't Monkey Around

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0000

As long as the Word of God is preached", he declared "a monkey using queue cards could preach it and you could learn something from it.

It was the pastor of our family church who made that statement his last day in the pulpit. There is something so basically wrong with what he said. That comment has never left my mind as I've been reading the early history of the Israelites. How insulting it is to spit in the face of the importance of God's selection!

God is holy, God's Word is holy, a life committed to the service of God is holy! Be very careful if God has not called you to that service, has not gifted you accordingly. Plan for failure.

Throughout the journey from Egypt to the promised land and the establishment of the Jews as God's chosen people, history declares how wrong that statement is. God chooses whom He wants in His service and He gifts them accordingly. Why, if the wrong Israelite came too close to His house or touched the sacred Ark, that man would be struck dead! One must be very careful in presuming the audacity to serve God in an intimate, chosen way as a leader of His people. To stand and declare that God has put words on your heart...you'd better be very sure in your heart that it was God's voice, not your own agenda. If I fail in God's service, I must stop and ask myself if God has chosen and gifted me for the service, or did I make the choice and expect God to bless my decision.

Even the right man must always listen. Aaron lost two sons because, even though they were chosen to perform the sacrifice, they decided to do it in their own way. God hand-picked the artisans for each job of building and caring for His house, down to the smallest detail. David was a man chosen by God, but he was not chosen by God to build God's temple. God chose Solomon, David's son. God chose David and gifted him for other things.

I can't call myself a Child of God and then expect God to follow my decisions. But on the other hand, I can come before God with my needs and then move confidently forward knowing that He has already provided for that need and He will reveal the answer, His answer. I must go to God constantly and not lean on my own understanding.

So what happens if I choose to go my own way? Well, I might as well be a monkey reading queue cards.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil.

Proverbs 3:5-7

Two Sides to Every Story

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:30:00 +0000

There are two sides to every story...my way, and the wrong way.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds council is wise Proverbs 12:15

Worming Time

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 01:20:00 +0000

So I chose today to worm the horses. I don't know why, maybe just because it was (past) time to worm the horses. If you didn't know, horses have worms. They must be kept under control, or the worms will steal away the horses health and vitality.

So this worm medicine is a long plastic tube with a trigger handle on the end of it. The game is to stick the thin tube in the horse's mouth and squirt the white paste as far back on the tongue as the horse will allow. Simple, right?

Stand on your tippy toes, reach your arms as far up in the air as you can. Now picture a spot just two inches above your longest finger. That is where you will find Montana's mouth when he gets a clue that you have one of those thin tubes of white paste in your hand.

Already suspicious at being invited into his stall before the food was distributed, he watched me warily as I tried to sneak the thin white tube past his watchful eye to hit just that spot at the back of his mouth. My finger on the trigger, I whipped the tube to his mouth. More quickly, his head snapped up as my thumb pressed the plunger. A big glop of white paste ricocheted off my chin and onto my collar. Being a big horse, he needed the full plunger full. But all was not lost, as Moon is smaller and I traded the full syringe for the one with now just the right amount in it for Moon.

Montana is nothing if not reasonable, so I did try to reason with him long enough to try another trick that worked...this time. I held his head in the air for a few moments to deter a spit, and then quickly got him some of his favorite food so that I could move on to Moon, who was by now pacing up and down her stall, complaining heartily that she had not yet been seen to.

I've been told that in the old days the cowboys just used to give their horses a chaw of tobacco. Number one, that's bad for your teeth. Number two, we don't keep a spittoon in the barn.

Basic Instincts

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 15:42:00 +0000

As my Spanish rice warmed in the microwave this noon, it was 60 seconds of struggle as I fought to overcome my most basic instincts.

Rita has left the top freezer door of the full-size break room refrigerator/freezer hanging wide open as she filled the single ice cube tray. Led by a force instilled in every mother, I almost reminded her the freezer door was wide open and all the cold air was being wasted, in my mind I had already taken a step to cross the small break room and close the door. I would have opened it again when she was ready to replace the filled tray... But better office political sense prevailed as I stood by uncomfortably aware of the open freezer door.

Replacing the tray, Rita pulled out the ice holder and, still leaving the door hanging wide, one-by-one placed ice cubes in her glass. Maintaining my composure, I subconsciously ground my teeth while surveying the frozen contents of the open freezer, almost emotionally aware of the escaping cold. Unaware of my internal turmoil, Rita poured the remaining crumbs of ice into her glass, her right foot now taking a step towards the gaping door. Relief was a step away.

To my amazement (and horror), Rita pulled out two more frozen ice trays and, never making a move to close the door, stepped back to the sink where she continued her methodical plot of torture to my frugal psyche.

The microwave chirped it's cheery little *ding*; quickly grabbing my bowl of warmed rice I bolted past the cavern that was once a frozen oasis for what lay inside, but was no more, and into the relief of the hallway. It took everything I had in me not to lift an elbow with seeming nonchalance to swing the offending door closed as I passed by.

Rita will never know the turmoil she put me through today...which is as it should be. *sheesh*

The name has been changed to protect the innocent...which would be me.

Not my own photograph

Life Is Like That

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 03:50:00 +0000

borrowed picture

I'm trying to get used to a new pair of contacts. For some reason, contacts seem to protect my eyes from allergies so they don't burn and water constantly, but trying to come up with the right combination of reading glasses and contacts to work at a computer all day and see the world around me too is a challenge.

My phone rang. It's Toni. Tim is sick, can I get home by 3:30 so he doesn't have to watch the baby? I was going to go in a half-hour late tomorrow because the baby is a "night person" lately and it's going to be a 10 hour day tomorrow, but I leave a half-hour early today instead.

Tim has a fever and can't watch Paige tomorrow at 3:00 and I have to work until 5:00. Well, I'll need to make some phone calls later.

I decide to feed Paige before trying to make Tim and me supper. Paige starts crying when she sees me beginning to make her bottle. Amid her cries, the dog is barking at the back door. She always does that when she sees me alone in the kitchen trying to work.

I take the dog out to her chain and finish the bottle. Feeding Paige in her swing is a good idea, because she finishes her bottle and relaxes to watch me fix supper. The phone rings, but Tim gets that and takes down a message for Katie.

We finish supper and I leave the dishes to give Paige a bath first. I know I'll be up late anyway, so maybe I'll get a chance to clean up the dishes I didn't get done while I was making supper.

Paige normally takes a short nap after her bath, which should give me a couple minutes to work on a blog before she gets fussy in the evening. At the moment, she's sitting on my lap with her hands on my wrists or pulling at my fingers. :( Makis iy a little hard to tope.)

She's actually giggling while she tries to push my hands around the keys. (Doing a good job of it, I might add.) I think I'll wrap things up and look for a picture. I wonder what I'll get if I google "frazzled"? :)

Good Advice

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 05:00:00 +0000

As promised, I'll fess up. I did not take Bongo's picture.

His last day in the pulpit a pastor chastised his congregation declaring that if they were not getting anything out of his sermons it was their fault. "As long as the Word of God is preached", he declared "a monkey using queue cards could preach it and you could learn something from it."

A month later the pastor received a letter in the mail. It read:

Dear Pastor,
You were right. And we are pleased to report that attendance is up 50% and pastorate expenses are down by 95%. Bongo sends his regards.

Seen on a sign on my way home

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:46:00 +0000

Live your life as if it is worth the price Jesus paid for it.

How Great Thou Art!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 04:20:00 +0000

I was running a little late for work last week, but oh, what a bonus when I was presented with this wonderful sunrise!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art....how great Thou art

The Nature of Things

noreply@blogger.com (Tim and Vicky) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

We can forget our prayers as we move through life, but God never forgets. Nor does He lose interest or imply a statute of limitations on His obligations if a prayer is not answered promptly and we forget. Sometimes it's only as we see prayers being answered we suddenly recall. I believe that God does answer the prayers of a heart that is turned toward Him. The trick is trusting Him, having faith, and finding the patience to watch God work. He created all things in an orderly fashion. He created the laws of the universe. And I believe that He works things out within the laws of that universe He created. God doesn't *zap* a great tree into existence. He grows it over time, in accordance with it's nature.

Right now my human nature wants to doubt, yet I am even now experiencing a great plan of God's being grown into existence. I feel like today a scab was lifted to expose new skin underneath, tender and hurting, but healthy. Again, God does not *zap* healing and growth. It must follow the nature of things and it will grow fresh and even healthier than before. But the scab cannot be yanked off before it's time lest the tender new growth underneath be severely damaged and healing be compromised. After new growth is complete, there may even be a scar, but won't that scar forever remind us of a battle won?

I think of my Mom in Florida right now. What a miracle of God's love! I think of my Dad. What a lifetime of prayers answered! I think of my marriage. Wow, God is awesome! I think of our children. God is so very gracious. I think of a couple who sacrificed so much for their love of God. As three of their family neared the end of their days on earth, I saw God give them a special gift of precious months together as a whole family to bring each other comfort and encouragement and see them through the grief of loss.

Yes, so much of the time I don't see it until it's complete and the tree stands before me strong and tall. NOTE TO SELF-have faith.